nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
