There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
