please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
