Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
dude. I can hear the air.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
