I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
