even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
