I'm jealous of your bromance
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
