I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
