Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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