You really coming over, don't trick.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize