I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
