The maid of honor just puked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
