i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
