on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
