Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
