Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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