forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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