I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
