I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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