grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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