i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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