clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
