her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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