I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
