no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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