i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize