Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
