my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
