I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
