i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
