So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
