Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
vagina is talking i cant
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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