Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
