party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
