i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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