This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
