winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize