Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
