things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
