also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
