When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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