What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
