Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
