we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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