some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
