You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
