she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize