Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
