Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So squirting runs in the family.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
