I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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