So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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