did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
