hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
