her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
