God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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