I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
