I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Someone signed my nipple.
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