It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found puke in my bra..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize