I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
