Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
