lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
