help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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