Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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