We won't sleep together?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
