Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
