There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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