I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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