Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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