Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
