i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
