I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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