So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
