oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
