Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if only i could text you this smell
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize