We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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